09/20/2001 - “3:00am Field Trip”

As I write this the President is on television having what looks to be a pep rally for America. This is what we have been warned about for days, the part where we are reminded we are about to start a war. The only relief was the reinforcement that Arab people and Islamic people are not to blame. I hope people take heed.

Here is how petty and selfish I am: As I hear this all I can think is why am I alone right now? I wish I had someone with me to tell me that I am over-reacting, but I know that anyone I'd let that close to me would only grasp me as tightly as I held on to them. I am suddenly a new kind of frightened, a deep and bone chilling fear of things I don't know are coming, and when they arrive I will have no power over. I feel like I'm thirsty and someone is asking me to drink gasoline for lack of more suitable refreshments.

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I insisted a friend pull himself out of his bed and accompany me on a mission. I had this need to take the Staten Island ferry, and it was one of those things that couldn't be postponed. It didn't matter that it was almost three in the morning. One of my favorite things to do used to be taking tourists on the ferry, especially if we could land on the Kennedy (there are several boats) which has an outdoor observation deck. I'd make them face Staten Island as we left Manhattan, forbidding them from turning their head around to see the city. Arriving on Staten Island, we wouldn't disembark, just wait for the return voyage, a short 15 minutes.

When the boat turned back, I'd wait five minutes then rush to front and there it was: one of the most picturesque views of the city you can have. The Statue of Liberty just to your left, so close you'd swear she was winking at you, and the World Trade Center, World Financial Center and South Street Seaport twinkling on the approaching horizon. It was corny, but it was perfect and beautiful. I loved it not just because it was stunning, especially at night, but because it made me feel part of both New York Cities. The one I lived in, the texture of my everyday life, and the New York you see in movies, romantic, perfect, and teeming with people, ideas and possibilities. If you watch Manhattan as you depart on the ferry, the effect is diminished. The Statue is not yet in view, and the skyline looms too close to reveal it's majesty.

Returning to Manhattan at 4:05 this morning I stood at the front of the boat looking at Manhattan. I wanted to find the Captain and tell him he was headed for Dallas or Chicago, that the skyline I saw wasn't mine and our course had to be corrected. I stood with my friend and about eight other passengers, silent and frozen in awe of what we did not see.

You know how some people believe that hanging around with attractive people makes them look cuter? I think that theory might have some merit if you substitute tall for attractive. The Statue of Liberty looked a lot shorter than I remember separated from the twin towers.

Posted by bruce @ 09/21/2001 08:10 PM EST

You're not alone. Continue exerting your humane influence on your readers new and old. You're not powerless.

Posted by berniesoares @ 09/21/2001 08:03 PM EST

4:00 a.m. Cheered to know someone else is up. Reading the 500. We're all trying to live with confidence in a time of total uncertainty. People talk about the weather, exchange recipes. Eat comfort food. Consolation more important now than slimness.
Hugs.

Posted by Charlotte @ 09/21/2001 08:23 AM EST

You are not alone. You are on the web with hundreds maybe thousands of fans who look to the daily accounts of your life at ground zero as a means of gaining insight into an otherwise impossible perplexity of events and emotions. XXXOOX

Posted by Someone @ 09/21/2001 04:39 AM EST